To get to the point where he can do this, Matt will have to battle teams such as the Southampton Sharks (whose heads protrude from the mouths of huge artificial shark heads, because all the teams take a theme and then flog it to within an inch of its life) and Mother Vlad's Vampires. Oh, and the Penzance Riggers' pitch contains several "loathsome sludge-holes" which were "left over from the Penzance oil-boom" and are deep enough to drown a man. Several team names were suggested by readers who were rewarded for their imaginative efforts, one of the best names being the Ellesmere Port Elephants (who wore an appropriately ludicrous costume).
Slater's Slayers roll-call
- Manager: Mike Slater
- Trainer: Shulga
- Keeper: Sourpuss (constantly belly-aching)
- Right-flank blocker: Hangman
- Right-inner blocker: Screaming Sid (he screams a lot, and "no-one can throw a skreemer as accurately and viciously as Screaming Sid Sloan")
- Left-inner blocker: Dirty Nigel (his hobby is looking through rubbish bins)
- Centre-blocker: Crazy Lil (the only woman on the team until the arrival of Brazen)
- Strikers: J. T. Venner, Don Barret, Jigsaw Jones (dies) and Matt Tallon
- Shieldmen: Napoleon Jones and Ryk Rogan (equipped with medieval knight-style shields. Jones appears to be the only black player on the team)
- Mysterious new players: Wolf Rawker and Brazen
- Killed in action: Crash Crawford
- Substitute: George Roper (dies)
- Sponsor: Kosi-Flex Sportswear™, whose boss Rollo Hartie is a "grotesque product of 21st century medical science"
- Matt's bodyguard: Chip, an android which looks like a nine-year-old boy and fires lasers from its fingers